clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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