you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
