You're my little dorito
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
