i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
