remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
