Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
