I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
