We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
