dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
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He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
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Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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