he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
