yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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