whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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