just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
