You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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