Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
