Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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