RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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