What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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