Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
