IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize