Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
