Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
