wrigley field is MILF paradise
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
