dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
