Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
