I want to walk on stilts...naked
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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