I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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