Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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