I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
