I love black thongs
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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