Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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