At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she smelled like a LAN party
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
His nipple licking is glorious
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