The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
