i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
