in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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