i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
