period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
