I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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