I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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