Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize