I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
