God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
