Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
