Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
