It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
