I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
