yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
