At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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