I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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