I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
