I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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