he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
