just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
