My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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