I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
