I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
pop tarts are not kleenex
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
