3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
