Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You took a bar mat shot.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
