please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
