don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
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Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
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Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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