with your own penis?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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