We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You're breaking my sexual little heart
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
