I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
