im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
