it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
