Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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