That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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