my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
