I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
