the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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