So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
