I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
