i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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