allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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