I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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