i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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