sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
