literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
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How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
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There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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